A Visitor in Imladris
by PEF
Summary: A series of ficlets based upon an earlier devised list: 10 Things I Learned While Living With the Elves. Includes everything from drunken speeches to rolling pin wielding chefs. You have been warned...
1. Lesson 1

**Disclaimer:** If I owned it I would be significantly richer, and not likely to spend my time writing silly things like this, and even less likely to post them online. It's not mine.

**Author's Notes:** This is a bit of a spin off of "A Visitor In Imladris: Thoughts". Curumarth made a comment in a review that FF. Net no longer allows lists of that kind and suggested that I incorporate it into a story. So, I decided to post a series of one shots each corresponding to one of the points on the original. I would recommend reading "A Visitor in Imladris: Thoughts" first, but it's hardly essential. This, for the purposes of this story making sense, contains a human OC from the modern age. I'm not going to give her a lengthy documentary of her time between being at home and arriving in Imladris, but instead focus on the more humorous moments of her stay. Is she a Mary Sue? Maybe. But she's necessary for this to work at all. These will probably feature a different Imladris elf each chapter.

**…**

**Point One: **Just because everyone around you has the ability to drink copious amounts of wine, and then the remaining good sense to stop as their fingers begin to tingle does not mean you can.

**…**

Lily sighed and smoothed out the non-existent wrinkles in her dress. She gave herself a quick once over, before deciding that it was pretty much hopeless. No matter how much anyone tried, she was definitely not up to elven standards. Sure, she looked nice in the dress she had been loaned, but most certainly not beautiful. Being surrounded by ethereal beings made her only more aware of her countless human flaws, which were now driving her insane.

A gentle knock at the door prompted Lily to stop brooding over her appearance and simply get this over with. She walked less than confidently over to the door, careful not to step on the hem of her dress as she did so, and opened it.

Lindir grinned at her from beyond the doorway and extended his arm. She briefly wondered how much someone had bribed him with to get him to be here tonight, but linked her arm through his anyway glad to be in someone's company.

Elrond had been highly generous to her, though she was well aware that she was a guest in his household, and was expected to hold her end of things up as well. Over the past three months Lily had learned more things about manual labour than she had ever wanted to before. Never in her life had she ever expected that she would be sitting in a kitchen plucking feathers from a chicken, yet just two weeks ago that is how she had spent a good portion of her day. She had hated every minute of it. Most of the elves ignored her in general; a few however were kind enough to speak with her, now that she could speak of course. She was definitely indebted to Erestor for teaching her how to speak Sindarin. She wasn't wholly fluent after only three months, but she knew enough to get by. It's surprising how quickly you can learn something if it is completely necessary to you.

Lindir had been kind to her; even now he was kind enough to escort her to the spring feast. She had learned that the elves celebrated the coming of the new year in spring, which made a lot more sense to her than celebrating it when it's very cold and wet. Or at least that's what she thought it was, it was spring and Erestor had told her it was a feast to welcome the coming year, which sounded suspiciously like a new years party. Lily giggled as she imagined the population of Imladris crowding around a TV with streamers and party hats counting down the time until midnight.

Lindir looked down at his human companion questioningly as she giggled lightly, but she simply waved it off declining to comment or explain. She often did this and it annoyed Lindir to no end. He would much prefer she explain things, or at least attempt to then just simply wave them off without bothering.

He sighed and lightly tugged her arm in the correct direction after she had almost turned down the wrong corridor and away from the feast. Her complete absentmindedness amazed him, he could not imagine living as she did, it would most certainly be a confusing existence. She almost never knew where anything was, often became lost even after spending three months in the halls of Imladris. Her speech was erratic, and often confusing. Little she said made a great amount of sense, and she would often revert back to her native tongue and mumble to herself, presumably about them.

Lily resisted the urge to whack herself in the head as Lindir gently tugged her in the other direction. Thinking and walking were definitely not a good idea for her; it was not that she was incapable of thinking and walking, more that when she was thinking and walking her feet did the walking and her brain did the thinking, and her feet rarely knew where she was going. Truth be told she liked getting lost here. It was so absolutely beautiful that no matter where she went there was always something to amaze and enchant her.

Lindir bit back a chuckle at the amazed gasp that came from his companion as he opened the door to the great hall. Lily was gaping at the change that had come over the hall virtually overnight. Early flowers were everywhere, and the place was almost completely decked out with festive decorations. It transformed the room completely giving it an outdoors indoors look and brightening up the room entirely. While Lily was completely engrossed in the decorations Lindir gently directed her over to the table and pulled out a chair for her.

One thing that an elven feast meant was alcohol. They had an uncanny ability to tolerate the stuff, and what Lily didn't know was just how little tolerance she had. The first glass was innocent enough, as it was served with dinner and all those around her were drinking it, she figured it would be rude not to drink it as well. However what she was becoming increasingly unaware of was that the more alcohol you have the less it seems like you're having.

Lindir looked on amusedly as Lily began her third glass of Miruvor. She was becoming increasingly relaxed by the minute. He had never seen a drunk mortal before, and expected that it would be incredibly amusing if she was already this intoxicated after a mere three glasses. Mortals were so frail…

"This is fun." Lily remarked, not actually intending to have said anything, but it seemed her mouth, like her feet, had a mind of its own.

"Indeed."

Lily didn't miss the smirk that flitted across Lindir's face as he replied and in her current state of intoxication replied haughtily, "You're laughing at me."

"I am doing nothing of the sort." Though he was doing everything possible to refrain from smiling at her antics. This was definitely going to be an amusing night.

"You were. I saw you. You can't hide from me!" She reached out and pointed at him, only to over estimate how far it would be necessary to emphasise the fact that she was pointing and wound up poking him in the chest.

"I did not laugh at you, my lady, however, the others at the table might not be so courteous if you are going to continue shoving your finger into my tunic."

She frowned and removed the offending finger, stopping to gaze at it as if wondering how it had gotten there before continuing, "You were laughing. But I won't argue with you. I know I'm right… I'm always right. I'm a woman! We're always right, you know…" She stopped briefly and giggled slightly before continuing, "My mother always thought she was always right. But she wasn't. Just mostly right. Not that I'd ever tell her that of course… But she was right about that one time when I went to that party. Ugh, that was awful. I wound up in the back room absolutely drunk and playing poker. Hmm… Hey! Do you want to play poker Lindir? I bet you'd make a great poker player… Elves probably have good poker faces."

"Poker?"

"Poker. Hello? Earth to Lindir? Poker! You know: a game. With cards, and chips and money and stuff… Just no strip poker. Ugh, my friend played that once and wound up knocking down my door at one in the morning wearing nothing but a bathrobe."

Lindir raised his eyebrows in amusement at that, deciding that strip poker was definitely something to look into.

"Nah, no poker. It's a dumb game anyway. Now Twister is a fun game! You'd probably be really good at twister too… Stupid sexy elves."

He didn't quite know what sexy meant, but knew enough about Lily to hazard a guess. He decided perhaps it was time to put the mortal to bed, though amused by the situation he had no wish to have her embarrass herself in front of the whole hall.

"I believe it is time for you to retire."

"Retire? I'm not even working you doofus." Came the curt reply as she reached for yet more Miruvor.

"No more for you," He said calmly placing his had over her glass and preventing her from attaining yet more alcohol. She pouted and opened her mouth to say something but he cut her off, "It is bedtime for you, silly mortal."

Her eyes widened and she broke out into a grin, "Bedtime? You're going to put me to bed?"

Oblivious to the conations he nodded and grasped her arm gently pulling her up to standing. She was wavering and he tried his best to support her without being too obvious about it.

Unfortunately, the pubic display of drunkenness, which Lindir had been kindly trying to avoid, culminated at that moment.

"Goodnight!" She smiled cheerily at the elves at the table, who nodded and chuckled lightly back at her.

"Goodnight everyone!" She shouted to the hall. Lindir now began to ease her to the door hoping she would simply be quiet. No such luck…

"Sleep tight. Don't let the bedbugs bite… Bedbugs. Eww…"

"Hush. Come."

Wrong move, her eyes narrowed and she turned towards him wrenching her arm from his and placing both hands on her hips. She would have been menacing had she not been wavering slightly, "Did you just tell me to hush?"

Lindir saw Elladan and Elrohir desperately trying to bite back sniggers at the head table.

"Well did you?"

"My most sincere apologies, my lady." He hoped that would be enough to pacify her, but it wasn't.

"You better be sorry! Nobody tells me to hush! Except my mother, but that's mostly because she's scary when she's angry. Also, she'd take away the car, and that would suck. Not that there are cars here to take away. Or my mother to be scary. She's at home. With the car. I miss the car… and mom."

She was rambling; this would have been twice as amusing if she hadn't been doing it in front of the entire hall. He hoped that one day she would look back on this and laugh, he also hoped that day would be very soon.

"May we leave now?"

"What are you that eager to put me to bed?"

Lindir ignored the series of coughs in attempt to smother laughter that circulated throughout the hall and concentrated on removing Lily from the hall.

"If it will pacify you, then yes."

She winked at him, "Alright tiger, lets go…" She turned back to the hall and bid everyone another large goodnight before turning back to Lindir and giggling.

She could barely walk straight, and Lindir spent most of the walk back trying to keep her from crashing into the pillars, walls, or simply falling to the floor. He considered carrying her, but feared she might start yelling at him again.

When he finally got her to her room she fell onto the bed and started giggling.

"There, you've put me to bed. Do I get a bedtime story?"

"No… not tonight. I think rest would suit you better."

She frowned, "What kind of goodnight is that?"

He sighed, "My kind."

"Oh… must be an elf thing." She murmured quietly, "I'm sorry Lindir."

He frowned, thinking that perhaps he had imagined the last part. She was now snoring lightly, and he was grateful for it. He gently brushed a lock of hair away from her face before turning and leaving the room closing the door gently behind him. He vowed that he would never again allow a mortal to be in the presence of alcohol.

**…**

**A/N:** So there you have it. The first instalment in a series of short one-shots. Sincere thanks to Curumath, XoGiggles and Aislynn Crowdaughter who read and reviewed the original list.


	2. Lesson 2

**Disclaimer:** If I owned it I would be significantly richer, and not likely to spend my time writing silly things like this, and even less likely to post them online. It's not mine.

**Author's Notes:** This is a bit of a spin off of "A Visitor In Imladris: Thoughts". Curumarth made a comment in a review that FF. Net no longer allows lists of that kind and suggested that I incorporate it into a story. So, I decided to post a series of one shots each corresponding to one of the points on the original. "A Visitor in Imladris: Thoughts" has since been removed from this archive (due to it not complying with teh Almighty Guidelines) and thus can't be read here. It is, however available upon request, so just ask and ye shall recieve. This, for the purposes of this story making sense, contains a human OC from the modern age. I'm not going to give her a lengthy documentary of her time between being at home and arriving in Imladris, but instead focus on the more humorous moments of her stay. Is she a Mary Sue? Maybe. But she's necessary for this to work at all. These will probably feature a different Imladris elf each chapter.

**…**

**Point Two: **Just because someone looks out of hearing range doesn't mean they are.

**…**

It was becoming increasingly obvious to Lily that everyone in Imladris was much better looking than she was. She suspected that many of the horses were even considered more attractive than she was by the elves. Frankly, it was depressing.

But at the same time they were so damn amicable. It was beyond frustrating to have several extremely beautiful elves flitting around her, and paying her no notice. Well, not _no_ notice. They thought she was a highly entertaining pet-project, as far as Lily was concerned. Still, when being escorted by all and sundry whose very presence had a tendency to make her hormones have a field day, it was a genuine feat of willpower that she didn't just turn around and jump one of them then and there.

Instead she just got horribly distracted, fell over things, blushed, giggled girlishly, and became horribly tongue tied in their presence.

A fact that had not escaped the notice of one Elrohir son of Elrond. And, to Lily's rather unfortunate embarrassment, seemed to go above and beyond the call of duty when it came to making her flustered. It was equally unfortunate for her that he was very, very good at it.

"Good morning Lily. Did you sleep well?" A soft musical voice lilted softly from somewhere behind her.

"Mmmph," said Lily. The elves of Imladris had discovered quickly that Lily didn't share their enthusiasm for mornings.

"I was wondering if perhaps you would like to go for a walk with me on this fine morning? I fear I am bereft of company."

He also seemed to have a fondness for using excruciatingly large words early in the morning. "Mmmhmm…" said Lily, sleepily.

"Excellent, well, if you are finished eating," he said brightly. She wasn't, but somehow she doubted that would stop him. "I will offer you the honour of my company."

This caused her to look up at Elrohir in disbelief. However the arrogance of his statement was negated by the obvious mirth shining in his eyes. Gently he lifted her hand and brought it to his lips, not quite kissing the skin but coming close enough that Lily could feel his breath on the back of her hand. Rather abruptly she got the feeling that all her blood had just rushed to her face, and if it were possible, she suspected her face would have burnt right off. Elrohir simply grinned rakishly and pulled her to her feet, wrapping one arm around her waist in a smooth motion that caused Lily's heart to skip several beats.

"Now. Where shall we go for our walk?" He asked casually, as if he were simply going for a quick stroll in the gardens. Which, admittedly, he was.

"Erm…" was all Lily could manage to form in the way of coherent sentences.

"Ah. Yes. I know," he said, ignoring her completely. "Come along!" he said brightly and pulled her through the corridors of Imladris, moving so quickly that she was nearly running to keep up with him.

Suddenly, and thoroughly without warning, he stopped and Lily found herself pressed up against his side where she had smacked into him. "Careful," he said with a grin that could only be described as diabolical. It was at that moment that Lily realized just how close they were standing and once again she felt her cheeks grow overly warm as she backed away from him muttering a barely audible "sorry."

Elrohir just stood there grinning at her before he reached out and took her hand. "Come," he said quietly, and he led Lily out onto a path that wound down deeper into the valley.

He spent the morning pointing out the different kinds of flowers, trees, plants, and assorted herbs that were growing along the side of the path, and explaining their uses in a combination of childish delight and deep knowledge the never failed to throw Lily for a loop.

Finally they arrived at a peaceful glade with a small stream trickling through it. Elrohir seemed to content to stay here for a while and promptly plopped himself down on the grass. As Lily moved to walk past him his hand shot out and grabbed her arm and pulled her down beside him. She let out a small indignant squawk at being yanked down onto the ground, but she quickly decided she didn't mind.

Elrohir sat on the grass looking up at the sky in silence for so long that Lily began to wonder if he'd fallen asleep. It was only when she got up to go explore the glade that Elrohir moved. He sat up beside her and smiled kindly.

"This was one of my favourite places when I was a child. I suppose it still is a favourite of mine."

Lily accepted his statement quietly, not quite sure what to say. She wondered absently what he was like as a child.

"Oh, I was a little terror as a child. Elladan was too, and any mischief we wreaked was always done in tandem." He grinned at her roguishly. She started slightly at his answer to her unasked question and wondered, not for the first time, if he was able to read her mind.

Instead of pondering this mildly disturbing thought she moved down to the stream and ran her fingers through the cool, clean water. She was aware of Elrohir moving around behind her, and attempted to ignore him in favour of splashing around in the water.

She began to walk down, following the stream to where it entered a small copse of trees. So focused was she on following the stream that she didn't notice that Elrohir had cut ahead of her, and thus walked straight into him. So, for the second time that day she found herself up close and personal with the younger son of Elrond.

He raised a delicate eyebrow and repeated his earlier admonishment, "careful." Then he tapped her nose with a single lithe finger and picked her up twirling her around until she was facing the direction she had come and began to bodily lead her back to the glade.

He grinned at her and said, "I think that's quite enough walking for you today, young lady. Beyond that I suspect Lord Erestor will wish to continue your history lessons, and I sincerely doubt you want to be late."

At that a look of panic crossed Lily's face. "Oh, no! I'd forgotten about that! What time is it?"

Elrohir laughed and took her arm in his. "Peace Lily. I had not forgotten and I have been watching the time for you. You will not be late; I would not stand for it. Punctuality is important," he said seriously.

Lily breathed a light sigh of relief. Elrohir led her all the way back to Imladris and bid her farewell at the entrance to the library.

"Until we next meet, fair Lily." Though she found it very hard to take him seriously as he said this, for between the dangerous amount of twinkling his eyes were doing, and the fact that he looked like he might burst out laughing any moment, she found it mildly difficult to be anything but exasperatedly amused.

Once he had departed around the corner Lily sighed and slumped back against the wall, waiting for her raging hormones to die down.

"Argh!"

She frowned, still feeling immensely frustrated. "Why? Why me? Why does he have to persecute me? Does he enjoy making me miserable? Is he like this all the time? How on Earth does anyone put up with him?" She said all this rather quickly, and with increasing vigour.

With one final "ARGH!" she composed herself and wandered into the library were Lord Erestor was sitting at the table amid a pile of books.

"Good day Lily," he said politely, though with a hint of amusement.

"Good day Lord Erestor," she replied politely.

He nodded and passed her a rather large volume and said, "If you would be so kind as to read from here onwards. As usual, if you have any questions, you are free to ask. When you are finished we will discuss what you have read." He smiled kindly at her and added, "Oh, and Lily. I suspect you will find that Lord Elrohir treats everyone he meets with equal doses of his frustrating nature, though should you ever be able to look past his infuriating nature, you will find that you could not ask for a truer friend." And with that he returned to his book, the amused smile never leaving his face.

Lily blushed bright red and buried her face in her book, vowing never to speak her mind until she was sure that there was no one within a five-mile radius of her at the time. And, having learned her lesson, she managed to bite back the 'stupid elves and their stupid hearing' that was on the tip of her tongue. With an exasperated and embarrassed sigh she turned to the tale of the Children of Húrin.

…

**A/N**: And finally, after a ridiculous wait: an update!

Sincere thanks to Black as the Shadows, Curumarth, and Dee69 who reviewed the first chapter of this! Thanks so much for reading, I'm so glad you enjoyed it.


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